Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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