Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
