All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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You. Win. At. Life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
