she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
