your parents love me but you hate me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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