you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
