i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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