ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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