Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
