I wanna bring you to show and tell
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have already put on my inside pants.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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