Where are you?
In a non slutty way
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
