I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
