sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
