soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
