Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she told me i tasted like america
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
