i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
