I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
