margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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