They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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