woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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