Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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