And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
wow bdsm is so cute
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize