He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize