Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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