just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
