I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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