ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
