I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
