I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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