Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
