Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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