covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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