I molested 6 butterflies tonight
that's an acceptable place to lick
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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