she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
