conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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