How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
