When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
