well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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