i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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