It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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