im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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