I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
