You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize