I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
