Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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