hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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