shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
