I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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