woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just pee around me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize