i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was confusing and full of hummus
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
