You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
