pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
