I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
