I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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