If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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