I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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