we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize