he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
