yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
