Jerry, you need to find god
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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