You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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