Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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