I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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