so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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