if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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