I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
