Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
