3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
