god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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