If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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