you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
