Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
