I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
