i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
