My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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