We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
