I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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