well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
