it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
