We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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