last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
