Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my phone needs a breathalizer
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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