he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
