rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
