We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I am spending my child support on dildos
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Less talking, more tequila
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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