He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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