Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
