just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
