You can't special order awesome
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
