We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
What drink are we having for lunch?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
