I'm jealous of your bromance
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
