You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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