is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
