Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
