you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
