ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
