I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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