maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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