she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
