what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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