I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
