Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
